An early November rant.

by B Thornton- Harwood

Saturday evening I arrived home from work to find my twitter feed full to the brim with people claiming “Just seen the Coca-Cola advert- it’s officially Christmas!” Now, I have several problems with this statement; firstly it isn’t officially Christmas, it’s not even officially mid-November, the clocks only went back a mere 11 days ago making it officially Autumn.

You don’t start celebrating Easter in February do you? Nor start celebrating your birthday six weeks prior to the actual event unless you were a complete egomaniac. Furthermore, I’d be pretty miffed if a bunch of 10 year olds, prematurely dressing like slutty (dead) cheerleaders,  were knocking at my door asking for a fun sized Mars bar on any day but the 31st October.

Now before you all shout “bah humbug you miserable bastard” -I bloody love Christmas, what’s not to love: gorging on piggies in blankets; getting inappropriately pissed on Baileys; The Sound of Music; teaching your younger cousins swear words before dinner; it’s all fantastic, BUT (and I cannot stress this enough) ON THE 25TH OF DECEMBER.

There is a reason all of the above is so special, because it only happens once a year. It’s a novelty. If Wallace and Gromit’s grand day out was on every weekend it wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable nor have half the charm as it does because of the infrequency that we see it.

Secondly why do we need a commercial from a capitalist drinks manufacturer to remind us that this brilliant time of year is upon us? Have we really been dumbed down so much with the likes of X Factor and TOWIE spoon feeding us warm shite week in week out that we need to jog our memory to the fact we’re nearing Christmas with a picture of Santa drinking Coke? Or is that what we’ve become, a nation of people who can only work out the date from an advert?

Whatever way you look at it it’s a sorry state of affairs when half of the country shout “OMG XMAS IS HERE!!!11!!!1!” because an advert told them so.