The Room

by B Thornton- Harwood

This is the film that has kick started the GOOD/BADFILMCLUB. A masterpiece in awful, described by some as the Citizen Kane of bad movies, The Room is written/directed/stars/produced by/ funded and costumed (probably) by Tommy Wiseau, a man who’s ego is only matched by his massive throbbing erection of ineptitude at film making.

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The room is based around Johnny (played by Tommy) and his fiancé Lisa, who happens to be shagging his best friend Mark. Johnny is a real nice guy, a point that is really driven home by the 25+ times it’s stated by other supporting characters.

One of my favourite characters is Denny, a creepy wee bastard who lives downstairs, harbours a crush on Lisa, and supposedly has a drug problem that is so indispensible to one scene it is never mentioned again throughout the rest of the film.

In fact this is a running theme throughout The Room; Tommy writes scenes that for a moment seem to be of vital significance, before completely scrapping them, making no further reference to them nor having any impact on the rest of the story. Here are some examples:

  • Lisa’s mum tells Lisa that she has breast cancer;
  • Denny tells Johnny he’s in love with Lisa;
  • Mark gets lean and nearly throws a friend off the roof;
  • Denny is attacked by a well aggy gun-wielding drug dealer;
  • Johnny and Lisa’s friends come over to have sex on their sofa;
  • Mark shaves off his beard;
  • Lisa tells everyone she’s pregnant, and that Johnny hits her, which incidentally leads to the funniest scene in the film
  • But the winner of the Biggest-what-in-the-name-of-all-that-is-holy-is-fucking-going-on-in-this-batshit-crazy-movie Award goes to Johnny and his friends, wearing tuxedos, in an alleyway, throwing around a football. There are not enough exclamation or question marks available for the end of that sentence to visualise just how little sense this scene makes, before it is never alluded to again.(Sidenote: in the DVD extras Wiseau had been asked so many times about this scene that he brought it up. Although made no mention to the storyline and simply explained that when one plays American Football they should wear the correct safety equipment, to which my only question is, dafuq?)

As you can see, he sits well up there with Tarrantino and HST on the genius/mentalcase diagonal. Mainly because he spent $6 million of his own money on this film, presumably because he actually liked the end result as a piece of legit drama, which is clearly an act only someone as mad as a box of dicks would do.

There are so so many examples of why this film is in equal measures terrific and terrible, and I can’t stress enough just how funny it is, albeit completely unintentionally, the only way to find out for yourself is to watch it. Immediately. I’ve just bought tickets to see it in the cinema next month I bloody loved it so much.

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